Britain First unsure who to hate after discovering the first Briton had dark skin Amusing band of merry racists Britain First have been left stunned and bewildered following the revelation that their earliest British ancestor had ‘dark to black’ skin. Groundbreaking DNA analysis of the 10,000-year-old ‘Cheddar Man’ has led scientists and historians to conclude that our earliest British ancestors had dark to black skin, blue eyes and curly hair; a far cry from the Aryan look traditionally celebrated by simpleminded racists.
The far-right group hurried out a statement this morning on Facebook, the only social media platform from which they haven’t been banned, calling for unity among its members at this troubling time. After extensive grammar correction and spell-checking it read, “You may have heard in the news today that our ancestors were black, and not white, which is naturally a shock. “We are investigating whether this is simply more fake news peddled by libtards or whether we may have to reconsider who exactly to hate now. “The hardest bit about all of this is not knowing if the earliest man was a Muslim or not. “If he was, then we will have no choice but to undergo significant re-branding, convert to Islam and begin calling for white Christians to be leave the country.” The statement concluded, “A further announcement will be made when Paul Golding’s walks free from his ongoing court case after claiming the police are being racist against him as a white man.”